Phish.net > Charts > Narration Chart: "Harpua", 1989-04-20

Original Transcription by Yance Davis, Harpua Files

[after “Love You” humorous banter begins]

TREY: Well... sounds to me like that's what we're gonna play. Sounds to me
like... the song you want to hear... begins with an 'Oom Pa Paa’ [At this point, someone in the back yells out for “Whipping Post” loudly several times.] This is called… “Oom Pa Pa” “Whipping Pa” “Whipping Pa Pa”

PAGE: “Whip-Pa-Pa”

TREY: [laughing]”Whip-Pa-pa”. “Whip-pa-pa,” yes “Whip-pa-pa” ok here it comes “Whip-pa-pa.” We hope that you'll help us out with the hand gestures on this one, as always, when we sing Whip...Whip-pa-post. Whip-pa-post [clicks tongue]. When we say Whip-Pa-Post..

PAGE: We mean it

TREY: You put your hands out like that, and when we say 'Whip-pa-pa' you put your hands up like this and then when we say 'Hoom Pa Pa' you put your hands up like that and when we say 'Hoom Pa Post' you put your hands like that. Ok ready? [Band finally begins playing song]

[at 1:59] [in very slow, nasal voice] Once upon a time, there was a dog named Harpua. Anyway, this dog was an especially mean, grumpy, ugly bulldog. Not like my dog, who is a nice little golden retriever, but...

True story, did you know that last week, my dog was shot in the ass by some obnoxious person.

PAGE: [laughing] Not funny, not funny.

TREY: It's true... I'm not [laughing] It's not supposed to be funny. Anyway, Harpua was never shot in the ass. But he was a mean horrible bulldog.

FISH: Yeah, you can say that about Harpua

TREY: But one day...

FISH: He was never shot in the ass.. that's one thing you can say about Harpua.

TREY: Harpua was never shot in the ass. [laughing] [Page plays “Call to the Post”] So one day, Harpua was walking along, with his little non-shot ass waggling in the air towards, towards town, and as he walked into town, he slowly neared the neighborhood that Jimmy lived in.

And Jimmy in the meantime was sitting on his non-shot ass in front of the TV in his house, slowly petting the non-shot ass of his cat. [Mike meows] His cat [Mike meows] was a special cat. [Fishman quietly woof’s] His cat laid on the ground in front of the TV with his non-shot ass in
the air. And this was no normal non-shot ass. This was a special non-shot ass. This was a beautiful white non-shot, non-bloody ass!

MIKE: LET'S HEAR IT FOR NON-SHOT ASS!!!

[band launches into a classic rock riff “Non-Shot Ass” short jam while screaming “non-shot ass” until it ends when Trey yells Ass!]

TREY: Well, anyway, there was Harpua, walking down the street and all of a sudden it occurs to Jimmy's cat that, maybe the cat, it's time for a walk. So Jimmy opens up the door and lets the cat out and the cat walks into the street and goes down the street a few steps when suddenly, the cat comes face to face with Harpua. Harpua looks at the cat and a shock of recognition comes over his ugly bulldog face. [Page quickens tempo] Harpua looked at the cat in front of him and he said to himself… [pauses]

MIKE: "Holy shit"

TREY: Just bass, just bass here. [Fish and Page stop playing while Mike continues a thumping beat similar to “Wilson”] He said to himself [in odd, feigned, almost British accent] ‘Oh my.. Oh my Gawwd!’ It's no ordinary cat. Why, this is, this is a special cat. This cat is the only. [Page on organ starts up “Gimme Some Lovin” and band follows] This is, this cat is the one and only. It's not any old cat! This cat is… Well.. it's the one and only.. It’s, iit couldn't be. no, it is. My God! My GOD!! MY GODDDD!! MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD...

MIKE: "HIS GOD!!!"

TREY: "OH my GOD! My GOD O My GODDD"

MIKE: His GOD!!!!!

TREY: MY God ..**MY** GOD! MYGODMYGODMYGOD!!!"

MIKE: "HIS GODDDDDD!!"

TREY: "MY God.. MY GOD.. God! [“Gimme Some Lovin’” continues] GOD GODDDDD GOD. Oh my God, this cat is...

MIKE: HIS GOD!!

TREY: My GOD, it's Poster Nutbag!!! [Another extended “Gimme Some Lovin’” based jam ensues] Poster Nutbag [coughs] Poster Nutbag. Oh My God..

MIKE: HIS GODDDDD!!

TREY: Oh My GOD, MY GOD, MY GODDDDD!! Poster! [“Gimme Some Lovin” begins again] Poster Nutbag. Well, Harpua looked at Poster Nutbag and knew, My God.. 'My God' he said to himself, 'I'm gonna eat this cat right now.' So anyway… [Mike lays down “Walk This Way” bassline] Well, there was gonna be a nasty fight, and Harpua let out a low growl. Suddenly, Poster Nutbag coiled his body in a deadly arch. The fight was about to begin and Harpua let a hungry drop of saliva out on to the cement below.... [Jimmy’s theme] Look, the storm's gone!

MIKE: Jimmy?
PAGE: Yes Dad
MIKE: Jimmy I have bad news for ya"
PAGE: What is it Dad?
MIKE: It..It's your cat, Poster..
PAGE: y-y'mean Poster Nutbag?
ALL: YOUR CAT DIED!
TREY: Oh, My God, MY GOD, MY GOD!!!
MIKE: HIS GOD!
PAGE: "Poster is Dead… Poster is so Dead.."
MIKE: "HIS GODDDDDD!!"
Trey (in sobbing voice): "Poster is Dead..."
Mike and Page: "Poster's SO Dead" /
Trey: "Oh my GOD, Poster is DEAD!"

[song continues as normal from here, with the closing goldfish questions and final chorus]